100th death of Priest Francis Xavier
Translated from Tamil by Santhinindevi
Francis Xavier did not expect to approach a hundred deaths so soon. His prediction was that once he reached one hundred deaths, he would be seventy-five years old, and he had decided to escape the tedious fate of sending souls to the heavenly kingdom. But counting of deaths surpass age. So, he still has to wait until seventy-five for retirement. In the meantime, the most exhausting thing for him is how many deaths he has to wait for until seventy-five. Every morning when he wakes up, he comes out and sees the grey and white pigeons sitting in the church tower. There are beggars who have no daily work, always sitting around the church premises, and these chores have filled his forty-five years of life in all the churches he has been to so far.
Every morning on his walk, they all get up and say “Father, Praise the Lord”. The surprising thing is that in the churches he has been watching, they look the same in dirty black clothes with half-grey hair, and it wonders him how they never change in appearance and never age. Xavier observes that time is divided into two by itself; he is on one side, and they are on the other. But these things have started to become visible only in these four years of coming here than in other places where he has served.
When opening the window, you can see the left side of the tower, crows roaming, and beggars wandering like shadows. The image hangs as the curtain in his whole time. There is a black tomb in the corner of the church that fits right between the entrance to the church and exactly the centre of St. Gabriel. The sun shining on the white walls of the church would have made the tomb look like an elephant holding a hymn if he doesn’t wear spectacles. He always thinks, ‘I remember seeing a similar grave somewhere inside another church.’ So, Xavier never asked anyone about this single tombstone coming into the church. It seemed to him that this too had the same story that he had already heard or that the same was coming from the stories he had already seen. Whatever it is…
Many years ago, there was an old priest here. He had a passion for keeping the church clean, taking care of every place responsibly every day. It was customary to go to the top daily and remove the sapling of the Peepaltree1that had sprouted from the wall crack. No matter how many times it was removed, it could not be completely destroyed. There was no day that did not curse the bird who sowed it, and he also did it every time without fail. One day, as he bent down, a leaf out of his reach caught him and pushed him down from the top. The priest lay in the corner of the church where he fell without being seen by anyone for a whole day. The next morning, crows gathered in the church premises and announced his death to the town, Pudukkottai 2. Xavier remembered someone telling him such a story, or he imagined it to be so. Xavier did not ask anyone to confirm this.
It became customary to sit on that tomb when the breathing difficulty intensified during the morning walk (about one round of the church is his limit). Nowadays, after leaving ten feet from the room, suffocating has started before reaching exactly that single grave. A little rest seems to be fine then. If you lift your head, you will see that Peepal sapling. There it is, swinging gracefully at the top of the tower. The tower looks like it is leaning. Sudden dizziness comes for a moment. Scenes would begin to float. But Xavier is always eager to repeat the game. He was sitting there for a while today. Uttiriyarasu woke him up and told him about the ninety-eighth death and the ninety-ninth death.
“Praise the Lord, Father. InMarthanda Puram 3today, two persons were dead,” he said, “One is Anthony Bakery owner Innasimuthu. He was an old man. Another one is Gnana meri’s son, a poor young boy who was sick. You may have seen them in Mass.”
Xavier had no idea, “I don’t do any Mass here.” he replied.
“She comes to worship daily here. You might have seen them.”
Francis Xavier did not answer. A shrill shriek disturbed him as Uthriyarasu raised his voice so he wouldn’t be heard. ‘He has come to stop my afternoon sleep as i have to go to the graveyard in the evening. I never sleep. It’s been a while now. When the heat is intense, the afternoon becomes a dull time. Dogs, cats sleep, and even birds take a break on tree branches’ Xavier thought. ‘Uthriyarasu had gone. He goes straight to Father Michael’s room. He is very happy to work with him. Even the sips Michael spills will benefit him. He doesn’t need to work hard. Michael would finish all his works. A servant is just a companion. There are so many interesting things, like listening to village tales, discussing what to cook for the next meal, offering prayers. Priests are known to be ignorant of the outside world.’
He felt as if he had talked for a long time. Asthma had increased. He couldn’t walk, and many rats squealed from inside the bronchi. There were lots of burrows in the lungs. ‘Choo Choo,’ he mumbled. A little earlier, only one or two were there. Now, their screams had spawned and multiplied. It turned out that Michael seems to be leaving for morning prayer. ‘Michael stands as if waiting for Uthriyarasu and towards him. ‘I can’t go immediately, have to climb a mountain.’ Xavier started walking slowly. By then, Michael had reached here.
“Praise the Lord, Father,” he said. Xavier nodded. “Today I have to perform a marriage ceremony here, then attend the Jubilee also. There is a lot of work right now. In the evening, you can go to the cemetery. Don’t forget the two Requiem masses you have. You don’t mind, ok?”
Xavier said nothing. He simply stood. But he didn’t know how to say that he didn’t want to go to the cemetery today. He knew what the answer would be. Why should you waste time asking a question to get a known answer? Instead, he thought, to ask for something else he wanted. Before Michael moved on, he stopped him, “Would I perform the regular Evening Mass today?” His words didn’t reach him, but Michael faced it casually, as if he had heard this many times before.
“How is that, Father? You can’t do it alone, as we know. You couldn’t walk, couldn’t speak, how can it be conducted? Don’t you like resting?” Michael finished it with a laugh. Literally, Xavier didn’t know how to answer.
“Can’t we celebrate Mass in ten minutes? How long will it take?” Xavier said angrily.
Michael, ready to leave as if he hadn’t asked too much even though he wasn’t expecting it at all. It was strange for Xavier to be standing there. Does the biblical law say that the liturgy Mass should only be held for a length of time?
When Michael left, Uttiriyarasu came to him and started something, “What, Father?” Xavier stopped him, “Mind your own business. Get out.” Then he asked everyone (there was no one there but him), ‘You could not save Christ himself…then what are you going to do with all this preaching? Who will benefit them? What miracles are you going to perform?’. Of course, no one would have heard it there, even if they had, they would not have reacted.
The afternoon is very harsh. The effects of burning are much more permanent. The fan blows the heat into the room. Xavier unbuttoned his shirt and hunched over the arms of the chair, unable to sit up. Wheezing increased. It is not just the regular wheezing. He closed his eyes and listened intently. How does that sound happen inside the body? Wherever you turn your attention, the noise comes and spoils it. He wanted to catch a wild cat and swallow it alive. ‘Eat all the screaming rats and let them jump out through the mouth.’ He smiled and asked Isabella if she could have a wild cat for the afternoon’s cooking…? She couldn’t understand, but her face was pale. She said, “It is a pity that her son’s death.” It’s like saying a big story herself and only finishing the last line loudly.
“See how the Lord gives it. She has no one but her son,” she cried and wiping with her saree. Then she made a cross on her chest and started chopping vegetables.
Her actions stopped the moment of Xavier’s attention. He has repeatedly warned her not to detail about death. For a while now, there have been many inquiries to his mind regarding the prayer, when he goes to the graveyard and his returning after the cremation. Inquiries are not about that death but about sending its soul to heaven. It is as if doubting him whether his responsibility is right (free from all sins). Sometimes, inquiries about deaths scare him. “If you continue your lamenting, please get out of here,” Xavier told her loudly. The noise in the kitchen stopped for a moment (as if noise inside him stopped for a while) and then started.
Preparations for Leo Joseph Jayaraj’s golden jubilee program have begun at People’s Forum. The chapel and the Jubilee Hall share a single wall. Xavier opened the window. The priests are discussing an important matter with Father Leo Joseph. Xavier was also invited. But he only refused, saying that he couldn’t come. Everyone would be young and bright as if their hands and feet have sprouted from washing stones. All the teeth are beautiful as carved. Various types of meat would fry in oil and placed into bottle-like vessels. It all bores him. Why celebrate consecrated life? Why all this when God has done all the miracles that have happened so far? He tries to recall Gnanamari’s son, whereas Anthony Baker, who is going to be buried, comes to his mind. Nice big Mustache he had. Xavier looked at himself in the mirror.
Then went to the bathroom and prepared the hair dye. ‘Nothing is going to change because of make-up. A five of ten-year drops, that’s all. Looking young and healthy is necessary in the missionary. What does it mean when people come to mass if priests look sick and old like them (people)?’. “I will bear all your wounds and protect you from sickness,” Xavier told himself and laughed. He dyed his head and waited for a bath. The face is like a rain-soaked chicken. He likes to grow a beard. He had a long beard before entering the seminary forty-five years ago. Even then, a Mustache does not grow properly. Now it will be pretty if he would have. It would be known as Shivaji4 . He likes Actor Shivaji. He finished his bath humming as he remembered a song of Shivaji. The shaved cheeks glistened like rock. Xavier did not like this look always. Three days ago, just like him, a handsome bearded man was brought to the graveyard. His body was in a coffin. The beard was neatly trimmed, like the jeweller’s fine work. Few white hairs on the chin like leaves. He had no desire to complete the final prayer. He liked watching his face. That man might have wanted to live as a knight. He would have enjoyed everything he liked. There was nothing impossible. Only such people will have this type of face. Such prayers are not enough to bury a hero. Everyone has the same prayer, the same lines, the same words. Xavier was very bored then. When he looked at him, that face rememberedPaul5, he recited Paul’s epistles. His murmuring was heard by those present. He stopped immediately when a couple of faces turned towards him.
After doing makeup in the afternoon (that thought arose when he saw priests who had come to Joseph’s Jubilee function) and took a bath. Takes a nap would be nice, he thought. He got up and took the black robe that was supposed to wear evening graveyard prayer and sat on the recliner. The wheezing had subsided a bit. Sleep is a great feathered bird from a distance and perched on the church Tower for him, preening its feathers. As it flaps and closes its wings as often as it flies, this world moves half open and half shut. Xavier prays for Gnana Mary’s son, Anthony the baker. “I am the resurrection and the life. Anyone who believes in me will live, even after dying. Everyone who lives in me and believes in me will never ever die6”. They would go back to their work. From heaven, Christ appears before him with the three new ones and blesses them, saying, “you will raise them.” Then many donkeys walk along the path of the sky with packs. The bodies of the dead are leaning on donkeys. Suddenly they all get up. Why are they getting up suddenly? “Wait” Xavier shouts. By then, Uthriyarasu came and woke him up. He made a loud noise, saying that it is time for prayer and you are sleeping. All those on donkeys turned towards him. What a dream?
“All came there. Father, you should come,” he said, a single bell7 rang in the church. Xavier looked up. A few of them stood at the church’s back door. He washed his face and came out wearing a robe. The sun was very hot as if falling on a shiny metal pan. No matter which way you turn, the sun stands in front of you, cursing it as “Hell.”
When they saw Xavier, they bowed down. Having to wait for a long time makes their faces look very tired. Inside the church, Gnanamari’s son is in a small coffin, maybe twelve or thirteen years old. Suddenly, his face caught his attention, but he hurried to the pulpit, trying not to show that he noticed. In the twenty minutes that he spent doing the funeral prayer, he could only manage so much time, and by then, he had looked at him at least four times. He had thick lips. The half-length shirt did not fit his body, the arms were cramped because there was no room in the box to comfortably fit the body. He looks like he has left school and is hiding in the corner of the door to deceive his mother. Still, the boy couldn’t even hide that smile on his face.
There were only ten people. Xavier searched for Gnana Mary. Two women who were near the coffin were not crying much, but their faces showed traces of tears. He thought that a woman who had such a handsome boy would not stand near the coffin.
The graveyard is four kilometres from there. Everyone was leaving slowly. It was he who came by TVS bike said, “Father, Anthony Bakey Ignasimuthu will be buried tomorrow”. That news was very distressing for him. ‘So, I have to come tomorrow too?’ Xavier asked himself. He didn’t pretend that hadn’t been heard. He got on the bike. ‘No one likes the Heaven,’ Xavier said to himself and smiled. The sun looks like a ball of fire on the horizon. Those hot rays pressing him as if someone is pushing towards. He put both hands as a sunroof over his eyebrow. Still could not see the road. He bowed as if asking someone for permission to close his eyes. It makes it better to lean his shoulder. He curses this summer.
They arrived at the cemetery. Upon arriving, they noticed a knoll on the southern side where Jesus Christ stood with raised hands, seemingly welcoming them. Black marble marked most of the spaces where family members could be interred. The grave had already been prepared.
Xavier gestured for them to wait and went to the lavatory inside the small chapel. ‘Only two more. After that, no souls should be taken to heaven. How will all these souls be in heaven? Is there really such a thing as heaven? Are we fooling everyone? If such a thing existed, what would its climate be like? It doesn’t get much hotter than this. So, if hell exists, it must be this scorching earth; there is no such thing as hell in the world.’ He smiled. Urine does not stop dripping. Xavier slowly came down, thinking that if he stays like this, the idea and this urine will never stop. Finally, the heat subsided.
Those who came with the coffin were not here. He hurriedly searched for them without realizing anything. Sebastian, understanding his nervousness, came with a spade in his hand and said, ‘There are four or five here, Father. his mother, you, and we are three that’s all. So, his pit may have finished soon,’ he replied. The five or six people who came with the coffin from the church have left. Francis Xavier was surprised. ‘They have a lot of works. He came down slowly holding Sebastian’s shoulder.
It was then he saw the woman Gnana meri nearby. She doesn’t look like crying. Her body and shoulders vibrate when she whispers. Xavier sprinkled the holy water in the pit and chanted, “The Lord Jesus Christ has spent three days in the grave.” As he chanted, she looked like a startled dog awaking. Xavier asked, “What’s wrong?” and gave a perplexed look.
She looked at them and asked, “Who are you praying for?” The four looked at each other. Saveriyar, who was deaf, was also in the same shock. Doss said, “Father will make a funeral mass for your son.”
“Father, He is sleeping?” Gnana meri told. She is looking like a child. All three were perplexed. Saveriyar asks Doss what happens. He gestures to wait. She cried out again, “he is sleeping, Father, he is sleeping.” He stopped and mounted her. She asked, “Why did you take him here, he is sleeping? He always would sleep after returning from school. He wakes up at six o’clock evening. I will not disturb him. What can be done after school? Is it a bit hot?” She kept talking.
Doss said that matter to Saveriyar. The old man smiled. “She is insane, Father,” he uttered twice out loud. Xavier recalled his words about ‘Dispute not with her; she is lunatic.8‘
Father Xavier placed the Bible on a nearby grave and inquired, ‘What is Yesu Raj studying?’ The boy must have been the same height as Gnana Meri. It’s a good height, but why is he wearing a half-length shirt? Xavier observed Gnana Mari. She stared at something, and sweat dropped on her forehead, which she wiped off. He couldn’t guess what was on her mind; It seemed annoyed to him.
“What can we do now?” Father turned and asked that old man Saveriyar. He didn’t hear; he was cleaning the spade with his toe. Doss shook him and turned him to Xavier. Father Xavier asked loudly, “What can we do now, Saveriyar? Is there any wise mother or wise father? Do you know her relations here?” Saveriyar giggled and pursed his lips.
“Sleepy boy, Father, what can you do, what can we do?” Gnana Meri looked at everyone’s face as if asking for justice. Her face was in a hurry, as if she was anticipating someone. Sweating profusely every time after talking.
When Father raised his hand, gesturing for her to calm down, she turned away again. This time the sun shone on her face and made her beautiful. Sebastian came up from the dig and muttered to Father and Doss, “Please listen, I’ll take her away. There’s no other way for us to wrap things up.” Xavier glared in his direction.
“What can you do when she stands motionless, like a dying puppy?” Doss asked. That’s how she stands. Father Xavier wondered if he had ever seen a dog standing next to a dead puppy. He remembered seeing it on her face. It was on the highway leading to this cemetery. The puppy was hit and ripped like a rag. The vehicle’s wheels gripped its body. The mother dog wandered here and there, unable to reach it. The other two puppies were running between her.
He approached her, gently waking her up. “That’s it. Let’s bury your son. No one dies in this world. This life is a struggle to set our souls free.” Before he could conclude, she interrupted, “So, soul never sleeps, Father?” He remained silent. She had a childlike face, and, in reality, she is the one who is sick. Boy Yesu Raj had been taking care of her for a long time. Someone had told him about them. He has had a heart problem since birth and cannot walk properly. She serves as his legs. She looks younger than her son, almost like a little girl playing with him. He was her good shepherd.
Gnana meri went near the coffin and softly called “Yesu, Yesu,” as if he didn’t hear. Then, she waved her hands, showing no urgency to get up.
Francis Xavier observed them, while Sebastin peered deeper, checking if there was another grave beneath the adjacent pit. Saveriar interrupted him. Francis Xavier observed them. Sebastin scrutinized the area, as if checking for another grave beneath the pit beside him. Then, he made four marks in the hill with the crowbar and signalled to Saveriyar. The old man interjected, and Xavier couldn’t comprehend their conversation. Why were they searching for an additional pit? Whom were they serving? This old man seemed to act on his own accord, making Xavier wonder about the purpose of digging another grave. “What are you doing, Saveriyar? What did I say? Who is this for? For me?’ Father Xavier screamed furiously, and Saveriyar panicked, coming near him.”
“Oh.. Sammy. This is for Anthony Bakery Inanasimuthu,” he stammered, sometimes acting like this.
“Tomorrow morning would be his mass, and anyway, the sunshine will come down in the afternoon, so let’s dig a pit,” he paused to pay his respects to Father. “Did they ask if you have to dig here?” Xavier asked. Saveriyar intervened, asking for permission. Father nodded to acknowledge it and then turned to Gnana Marie, “Don’t you have anyone here?” She remained silent, leaving Father puzzled about her response.
Saveriyar turned to the other two and said, “Nothing will happen today. Don’t look at me and do the next job,” with a smile.
They started digging for the next grave. They began digging the next grave. Xavier pondered, ‘What you did today, it will be a grave for tomorrow’s corpse. But this is not fair. What justice lies here? The Resurrection’s another meaning would be raising them in their sleep.’ Father Xavier felt bored as he wondered how long they were going to stand there. He sat under the Tree Jasmin, a place that consoled him. The flowers were blooming like tiny candles.
There are no relatives near the coffin. She has a hand on her cheek as if she is waiting for someone. There are only three grave keepers. There is no trace of a body to be buried. Even the crows and dogs did not notice them. Even passers-by paid no attention to the cemetery. This was trying to convince him that nothing had happened, that the moment would be nothing if it went on like this. He yelled ‘Hoy!’ at them to shake off that magic. Doss, startled, looked up from the grave and halted his digging. The Father said to him, “Tell her to come.”
She came eagerly, as if anticipating important news. Her face had changed, resembling someone starved for information.
“Mary, let your son sleep. He can only be awakened in the kingdom of heaven. This isn’t the usual evening nap; it’s a profound slumber—a heavenly sleep that frees one from this world. This is how he should rest.” He gestured toward the nearby grave, explaining, “It’s a secure sleep, in a special place, so that no noise disturbs his rest.” He delicately refrained from using the word ‘coffin.’ “Only Jesus Christ can raise him to heaven. The Lord awaits him with angels. To delay is to dishonour Him.” He pronounced the last words with emphasis.
Gnana meri changed slightly. Her face shows it. Xavier waited for her answer. Sebastian came to her and said twice loudly, “Yes, Mary, the Lord will raise your son up,” he continues, “Do you understand what Father said?” He asked. As she was afraid, she said with hesitation that it would be wrong if she said it out loud, “Tell me, Father, who else can wake up a son than his mother?” she murmured.
Immediately Sebastian said, “God Almighty can. Nothing is impossible for God. He will surely wake him up. He is the king of this world.” She was staring somewhere without hearing his voice.
Doss asked him, “Father, what to do now?” He said tiredly. He was furious.
“Did you prepare all the graves you had to take? Go and sit,” Xavier said angrily.
Sebastian replied, “How long have we been struggling like this, Father? Let’s drop the coffin without asking her”.
“The Bible says to give respect to a mother’s last words. You can’t rush. Wait a little.” Xavier sat impatiently on a tomb and leaned his back on the cross. The sun had gone down. In the west, the sun was like a blaze of glory. The other three were standing around her, saying over and over again, “The Lord will raise up your son, and we will return home.” Xavier is fed up with his fate, which has held him tightly. The Peepal tree leaves of the church tower came to his mind. They seem to be moving. If I had pleaded with Father Michael twice more, I would not have come here today. He cursed the priests who were enjoying the Jubilee Function.
Gnana meri was replying to them, “When I wake up from a nap, he will also get up.” Suddenly, she lied down on the nearby gravestone. Xavier told her not to sleep there and assured her a place next to her son. Then he said to them, “Bring a broken coffin from the prayer room.” They were confused. “Nothing is impossible for God.” He said the words “I am with you in resurrection and in life” and pointed to the prayer hall where it was written. They went and brought an old coffin.
After tightening the broken front part, it became firm. Xavier pointed to the coffin and said, “Only in the kingdom of heaven can you be raised. This sleep is not the usual you see. It’s too long. The heavenly sleep is only to get rid of you from this world. This is how we should make to sleep.” She accepted Xavier’s words with great grace. He made a cross on her forehead and indicated that she has to bed in the old coffin. She bent down towards her box and asked that her son be placed after placing her box. Xavier nodded. Sebastian was startled. “Father?” he shouted loudly. As the other two pressed his shoulder ‘wait,’ he flung their arms away and tried to stop her. “Get out, Sebastian,” Xavier ordered him. Without denying it, he looked at others. They did not look at him and went in front of the grave. They were eager to see the miracle that is about to happen. Sebastian left from there without looking back.
Xavier asked others to drop the coffin into a dig and without closing it. It was unusual. But both did it with no more questions. Gnana meri slowly got down and lay in the box. She closed her eyes and clasped her hands as if patting her sleeping son. Her coffin doors were slammed shut. Then the coffin of Yesuraj, son of Gnana meri, was lowered on it. He was like a white lamb sitting cross-legged under the shade of a tree. Xavier pointed it out to them that the boy’s face wasn’t in deep sleep and he was about to wake up. Doss stared there. When Doss repeated what Father Xavier said out loud in Saveriyar’s ear, he nervously nodded “Yes, yes” and made the cross on his chest with trembling fingers. When he gestured to close the door of the coffin, they screwed the hook. When Doss’s hands shook as Xavier sprinkled the first handful of soil and said “pushed all”. He asked Saveriyar to do it yourself. He quickly moved the soil. Francis Xavier crucifixes the place and lights a candle. Both of them loaded one apiece. Xavier said, “This place needs to be loaded completely, I will light up all candles, both of you fetch another broken coffin.” Doss was perplexed again. He was completely sweat. He replied, there is no other coffin there. Priest Xavier smiled, “Look, there will be one more.” Saveriyar understood it. He took him away. There is an old coffin box with a broken lid. They repaired it with jute rope. By then, the cemetery had become completely dark. There was no light except the candle’s flame.
Asking them to place the coffin in the dig of Innasimuthu Anyhony baker, which is going to the grave tomorrow, Xavier sprinkled himself with holy water and made a cross in the cemetery. Then he slowly got inside the grave. Father Xavier lay down into the coffin as Doss and Saveriyar helped him. He took a breath for moments. ‘All the rats now started screaming. Almost everything will come out of the box in a while,’ he said to himself. Throwing the holy water sprinkler to Saveriyar, he closed his eyes and said, “Only in the kingdom of heaven can wake you up. This sleep is not the usual nap you see. It’s too long. The heavenly sleep is only to get rid of you from this world. This is the way to have it to sleep.” After muttering, his hands automatically closed the door of the coffin. As Saveriyar, the old man, sprinkled holy water on him and started pushing the soil, Doss quickly shovelled sand. This is how the story was told later by everyone about the priest’s tomb next to the statue of Jesus Christ in the cemetery.
2. Pudukkottai is small town in the Indian state of Tamil Nadu. It is located on the banks of the Vellar River but has low rainfall and has a plain terrain with a few rocky hills that surround the city. This town experiences hot and dry weather throughout the year.
3. Marthandapuram is a Locality in Pudukkottai City.
4. Sivaji allies Sivaji Ganesan was an Indian actor. He was active in Tamil Cinema during the latter half of the 20th century. He is acknowledged as one of the greatest Indian actors of all time.
5. Paul, known as Saul of Tarsus, later known as Paul the Apostle and Saint Paul, was a Christian apostle who spread the teachings of Jesus Christ in the first-century world.
6. John 11:25-26 (NLT)
7 Church bells are used to call for worship, in other area different sounds of ringing makes signalling the start of mass or announce a member’s funeral or marriage …Here it signals a member’s funeral
8 William Shakespeare’s quote from Richard III
Santhinidevi Ramasamy is writer, translator, scholar of philosophy and Astro
Science. She lives in Sanfrancisco, California. She has written Non Fiction Book
Indiya Arithal Muraigal..
She is an avid reader, immersing herself in literature from a young age and cultivating her
skills through extensive reading.
Santhini holds Master in Science and master in Psychology degrees, 25 years of
working in Hospitals at USA and Certification of Palliative care. Now she is doing as
Astor Psychologist under her own site https://www.astropsychologist.org/